She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
