I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
