I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
