I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
