fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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