You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
