I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
