im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that's an acceptable place to lick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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