Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
