He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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