When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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