two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
