Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
