in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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