I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
