so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We left an ass print on the piano.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
