a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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