i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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