Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
