There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
