how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
