I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
