Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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