we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
