I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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