went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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