Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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