Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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