we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She even gives head with a lisp.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize