SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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