Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
