he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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