Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
