I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
