dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
