Im at strip club and am horny
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
