Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Randomize
