i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
