He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I believe in your delicious
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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