I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
