I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
