I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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