Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
