fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize