that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
