After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
