after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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