Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
