By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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