Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
