two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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