Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
