so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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