if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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