so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
