Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
