hotel room ftw
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you would pick up someone in the library
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god it's open bar.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
