No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
