weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
