I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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