Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
time to smoke my breakfast
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
