i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize