so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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