How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize