she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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