So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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