he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm really busy with my period
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