Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize