I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
