we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
