hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
