are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
