Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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