a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
